54 different cliche topics, and counting. Some are not really cliches but really annoying topics, and others are repeats but are directed at different parts of the topic. Then there are some things that are completely illogical and need to be addressed.
My dear friend MariMooX and I spent a good while thinking of cliche topics. She has been pushing for me to do this rant for the last... day, so here you go, child.
1. Vampires- Cliche and illogical
overused and defies reality
First of all, vampires don't exist, but unto fiction if you must.
Need I remind you all of the long ass rant I did about vampires? No?
Here is the short and simple reason for vampire stories being absolutely cliche- THE TWILIGHT SAGA. I won't go into why Twilight is bad, it is just know that fact, but I will say that the immense popularity from the books has caused a rise in the interest of the supernatural romance genre. I walked into the bookstore to help my friend (ww12megash) purchase a copy of Tale of Two Cities when I saw the huge ass section completely dedicated to Supernatural romance. A WHOLE FREAKING SECTION FOR THAT ONE GENRE! Just the fact that the genre (mostly featuring ghost and vampire novels) has exploded with popularity makes vampires cliche. More than cliche, vampires are OVEREXPOSED.
Now here is where I stand with vampires. I used to love vampire stories many years ago because I would read the young adult stories about guys killing each other and trying to be king of the vampire race. I don't really like romance stories with vampires because they are completely flawed.
The girl always changes the guy magically.
The girl is beautiful.
Something makes the girl special.
She somehow stops the beast that is a vampire.
The lion falls in love with the lamb.
There are so many things in these romances that I reject because I am a reality facer and won't accept illogical plots. I feel the same way about fanfictions. There is a certain level of romance I can take in with vampire stories, and that usually ends when humans are involved. Humans + Vampires = overdone. However, Vampires + other being/ AU concepts = BIG WIN.
Vampire stories can be done, but not really with humans if they don't want to come off cliche.
2. Slaves- illogical (and done so much they are cliche)
stupid
The idea of buying people and having them do whatever we want because we own them is popular. Most of the times slaves are intertwined with sex slaves. Slaves are also done side by side with the child or slave working hard to earn money for their master or parent.
First of all, human slavery is illegal, everywhere. Having someone claim they are your master is liable reason to go to the police and file a (sexual) harassment claim. Slavery should really never occur in a story. Also, if you are under some sort of slave like contract that doesn't allow you to talk freely, I'm sure you'd either pull a JYJ and file a lawsuit, or you'd commit suicide.
In cases of blackmail like "The recording of me raping you could be sent out to everyone..." (You know which fic this is) those stories are illogical. First of all, blackmail is pretty much illegal. Also, whatever the person is blackmailing for is most likely just as guilty for something. Like this example. The person is saying they need to be a slave for them because they have a video of them having sex, but if you stop and think for a moment, releasing that video would be revealing the rape. There are usually so many flaws with slavery and blackmail that I can't take the story seriously.
The short bits with losing a bet and being a slave for a day are different.
The worst part about slave fics is that the slaves usually don't do anything that seems particularly bad. The masters will go easy on them all the time. It would really be heartbreaking if the slave actually had to suffer, not be pushed into a false state of misery.
MariMooX says: If I had a slave I wouldn't go easy. BISH GO DO MY HOMEWORK, GO CLEAN, GO FIND ME A GOOD FANFIC!
3. Ganges- Cliche
Overused and used wrongly
This is the gang you read in fics- Some badass (Jonghyun) is smoking, (sometimes) has tattoos, (usually) has piercings, cusses a lot, fights all the time, doesn't care about school, doesn't listen to teachers, will get into street brawls, loves sex.
This is the gang you see in life- Initiation tests usually pertain to robbing a store, shooting a guy, raping a girl/ guy in a gang rape, crashing a car, speed racing, taking some sort of illegal substance, getting a tattoo of the gang sign, paying large amounts of money, winning a fight (with or without weapons) and many other crazy things. Normal gang activities are similar to selling drugs on the street for ridiculously high prices (how drugs are sold- give the good stuff first to get people hooked, then when they keep coming back you give them cheap knockoff stuff but claim it is the good stuff. It gets people hooked and rakes in money), stealing or attaining illegal substances or materials (drugs, guns, substances like chemicals), maintaining the gang's level of power by exploiting its easy killing or fast drug deals or access to prostitutes, often arrested for things that we would not like to mention, having drive bys, gangs ask that their high school members not display that they are in the gang because having a minor as a member is really bad for gangs and could ruin the kids future, gangs ruin futures, student gang members still care for school (all students do to some level) but they will focus on the gang a little more, getting into fights is fun but will lead to unwanted attentions at times. That's really all I can think of without reading a fic for an idea.
Anyway, I don't know about you guys, but fanfic gangs are not even real gangs. They make me think of the minorities in our school trying to make a big fuss because they are underprivileged. I'd like to also point out that you don't have to be in a gang to do all the things fics say gangs (in school) do. If you are a high school student you talk about sex all the time, and I bet there are less virgins in my school than there are not. There are many many people I have seen in my school that have tattoos. (I'm sure an Asian school would be more strict about this, but still.) Piercings are nothing to fear. I have 7 right now. I'm not in a gang. Cussing, do I need to go on a torrent of rude remarks? I have heard quite a lot of confessions of people smoking, doing pot, crack tales from the bathroom, people asking me to buy drugs. These people were not gang people, just idiots. Not listening to teachers could be caused by attention disorder, boredom, lack of interest, sleepiness, or a bad day. Fights in school will never go unnoticed by teachers.
Gangs in fics are not intense enough and all sound the same. First of all, the idea of a gang is simply way overdone. Remember when a gang was simply what Fred called the Scooby "Gang"? The guy doesn't need to be in a gang to be epic, he just needs an intense character and crazy situations to act out in.
4. Bullies- cliche
Stupid
I don't like how fanfics belittle bullying or play it down. The simplest of things can be considered bullying but fics will often go to the big things to make a bigger impact in the story.
It's usually the same scenario- guy or girl shoves them in the bathroom or makes a scene at lunch (where everyone watches and there are for some reason no teacher supervisors) and they talk trash, dis the person, and somehow make them cry and wish their life was over.
Real bullying is a simple as talking about a person behind their back or belittling them in front of their face. I am a HUGE BULLY. I can even consider my rant a form of bullying since I am trashing these cliche topics. The highschool age is when emotions run high and are hurt easily. Luckily I am not getting bullied, but last year there was this group of bitches that felt the need to say trashy things to me for no reason other than I didn't bow down to them the first time we met. Simply calling someone a name the entire name is irritating. I was called nerd for almost an entire year because of my math grades. Bullying is putting someone down and pretty much everyone is a bully. There ARE NOT any people that haven't bullied someone before. I'm saying this even about the angelic students that always make perfect grades and all the teachers like. Even they are bullies in their own ways. For instance, the smarty pants in my classes totally called out every flaw our student teacher had. She was a heavy woman, just out of college, very awkward, had something wrong with her hormones because she had a very very hairy double chin. As soon as the student teacher left they all started talking bad about the poor woman. In fics, first of all, bullies are portrayed wrong. Everyone is a bully, but these bullies are just a little more intense. Also, bullying is a very spontanious thing. Most things that come from bullying is unintentional hate. If you thought over what you did you most likely wouldn't do it.
All of that being said, bullies show up way too often. Because they are not intense enough these bullies become ridiculous characters. Take Jessica, she is usually pitted against the lead girl and Jessica usually hates on the girl. Jessica always bullies the same way- abuses her beauty and popularity, money, friends, other sources. The bully trying to be portrayed is that gang leader type that is cold and emotionless. They send off their lackeys to do their bidding and they watch from the shadows and laugh. I'm thinking this is the bully that leads everyone to hate a certain person for varies reasons.
The stupidest reason fics have someone bully another is because they want to have sex with them. Or the bully changing their hate into love. This whole defying the odds theme has to stop. I can't see hatred turning into love so easily. I can see love bordering hatred. Everyone has heard that boys will tease the girl they like. That is understandable because it is an attention grabbing thing and the boy usually doesn't understand his feelings. I understand that, but being a complete ass and attempting to rape the person is not border love.
Bullying is just completely done wrong so it should never turn up again.
Too often too wrong, too bad.
5. Nerds- cliche
Overused
Nerdy glasses, knowing nothing about sex, ugly, no friends, smart as hell, innocent. These are not real people. Okay they are, but they aren't nerds. These are socially challenged people, most likely related to an autistic person. Their intelligence is commonly high but their mental levels are a little bit lower and they act like a kid at most times. When a kid is surrounded by people that are adults (in their eyes) they will shut the fuck up and isolate themselves. This is a reason for the typical nerd's no friends and high innocence. The nerds you are portraying the characters as are actually autistic children. You sick authors.
I know what real nerds are. I am in the advanced classes with all those competitive children trying to get into the top 10%. They take notes, turn work in on time, ask questions, use time wisely on tests, do neat "perfect" work, and actually do homework. These are "nerds." I am a bigger nerd than the nerds are in fanfic definiton. I don't go out to hang with friends that often, never go to movies or the mall, I just recently got a cell phone, I am a huge perfectionist and logical thing, and I am on the computer 24/7. But I am not a nerd because I hate doing schoolwork or doing work in general. The "nerds" in my school are actually the preppy kids. The smart students are all on some sports team like soccer or volleyball or American Football, and all of them are great friends with our teacher that is also the Cheerleading Coach.
Stop mislabeling your nerds, especially if your "nerds" are having sex all the time. This isn't the student counsel president having sex, this is the girl is a good student and she gets a taste of ecstasy and become a complete whore. Don't turn your pure character into a slut if they were really the only logical point in your story. That is the equivalent of me having premarital sex. It is not going to happen, why do people write that nerds will do that.
Nerd sex does not exist. Those aren't nerds then.
And those nerdy glasses, look at the trends now. Ever since... which band was it? There was a band 30-40 years ago that made nerdy glasses popular. They are a fashion trend right now. Celebrities wear bottle cap glasses all the time. They are not nerd glasses anymore. Johnny Depp is not a nerd!
6. Rape- Cliche and illogical on many levels (I don't even want to go into it)
Overused
If they liked it then it is not rape.
I don't know how many times the topic of rape will come up, but let us just say it is the MOST CLICHE PLOT OF ALL TIME. That is because rape is usually tied with love and people write that it leads to love. THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN, EVER! Then there is the rape with maybe the drinking at the bars and then someone rapes them. I see this happening, but not the way fics write about. If you are drunk you will most likely have consented to sex. Don't tell me that you are in the right state of mind to comprehend that you don't want sex. Alcohol is like an aphrodisiac, your hormones skyrocket and it becomes very easy to get horny. Now if the rapist is drunk and the victim is sober, yes it is rape!
I honestly find that it is rape when the person is scarred for freaking life, can't move, can't eat, there is trauma, suicidal thoughts, fear of men. Just because you don't want it doesn't mean it is rape. It's just sex that you didn't know you wanted but your body did.
So when writing a rape story, make sure it is actually rape and not the previously stated.
7. Sex in general- cliche
I've done this rant so many times that I have lost things to say honestly. All I can say really is that horny and flat out sexual plots overpowering the main storyline is very bad. Sex should never be the main topic. If you can only describe the story with sex then it is PWP (porn without plot) and it is not a fanfiction, it is a smut story for horny little teenagers that want to get off with their friend Jill (name of the right hand used to masturbate). I am thinking of alllll the stories I have read where there was intense sex and I am thinking, the sex was really strong, but the plot was stronger. There are some fics where it was written purely to have smut in it.
Another thing about sex in fanfictions is that some authors aren't used to writing erotic chapters and when they try because readers beg for it or they want to give it a go it will often be very toned down and unrealistic as well. This is pretty much what I have read in some places making me think that the whole thing was unnecessary. "He thrust in, rammed a few times, came, pulled out, and slept." I feel like these should just be taken out. It is everywhere, and every time I come across something like that I think the author is some tween that has never experienced sex but is curious.
8. Maids- cliche and illogical
Overused and stupid
Unless you are working in a maid cafe, never mention maids in the story. Not like you are rich and have a butler and a maid sort of maid, like a slave maid. Can't you just see this title? "I am a maid for _____?" Insert idol group name here.
Okay, since maid is an occupation this is different. You need the job so you will listen to the your boss, keyword BOSS, in order to get paid. Maids are being confused with housekeepers, nannies, chefs, all those sort of things. Who uses the word maid anymore?
Then I think, why are there never butler stories? Does anyone know of the jdrama Mai-chan no shitsuji, or Mai-Chan's Butler? It is really the same thing if not worse. Having a servant follow your every whim... I can't even put logic into maids. The maids that are have sex with the master, or are trained assassins, or do all the housework, or abused by the master.
I simply can't put logic into flawed idea. Just never do maids again.
9. Debt- cliche
Overused
The amount of debt these people get in stories is ridiculous. They method of getting debts are ridiculous. The way debts are paid off are ridiculous.
If you have a debt most likely your company has failed and you borrowed money to start it. It doesn't have to be a big company, it could be a freaking bakery business. That could lead to debt. You lose a job and don't the money to pay for living expenses. That causes a debt. When you go to college and have to get loans, that causes a debt. Loan sharks cause a debt.
Debt stories... I kind of want to donate money to the author just for them to stop, but then I would be in debt because there are so many of them!
10. Crossdressing- cliche
This isn't Lady Hee Hee and any other guy idol dressing as a girl, this is some weird fantasy of your favorite idol losing a bet or dressing up for a school festival. I don't really care, but it is used a lot. It comes up a lot in yaois. The top will dress the bottom up as a girl and that really defies gayness to me. It should be you like them because of their personality and being a guyness, not really because the guy looks like a girl, that is just a bonus for the ones that used to be straight. (I'm sure MariMooX said this one because of reading a fic with crossdressing.)
Edit- Is this what Maria meant? That girl crossdresses to go to an all boys school, or to take the place of her brother in an idol group for awhile? Somebody watched too much You're beautiful and Hana Kimi. Here is where the line is drawn. In an anime, a manga, or a drama those cliche occurances are accepted because of the use of visual aids. Without the pictures to help hype different things up and downplay others, a fanfic is simply retarded. A written novel allows demands that more details be put into the plot. A girl taking the place of her brother anywhere by crossdressing is not allowed.
I don't care if it seems original, it is not, never will be, and in written form it is not acceptable!
11. Orphans/being adopted- cliche and illogical
overdone Illogical because it simply is.
If you are an orphan I don't really see you in school, but in an orphanage trying to get adopted. Even if they are adopted I don't peg the child for being a happy camper.
Being an orphan means that the parents are dead, okay. When a minor's parents die they will go into a government or privately run association meant for caring for children. There the child will go through adoptions until the right family comes. That doesn't happen without some pain. The child will only go into an orphanage if there is not a legal guardian ready to take the parents place. An uncle, aunt, grandparent, even a trusted adult of the parent, a teacher maybe.
Honestly, the odds of a someone not having living relatives in a growing nation like Korea or Taiwan is very slim. Asia is known for having big families, don't defy this logic. When children are adopted... it could be because they were orphaned, or their parents lost custody of them due to being bad parents and not being able to properly care for the child. I have never read a story where the child was adopted because their parents were bad parents. It has always been because they were orphaned.
And running away from home. I don't even want to get into that.
12. Stupid parents-cliche
ridiculously dumb characterization
I often see this with Leeteuk or Heechul being the dad (or mom) and they are absolutely bad parents. Or the mom that tries to help/stop the child from falling in love with the other person because they don't see the person fit. Or the parents that do illegal things just to get their way. The parents that openly badmouth the child's partner. Stupid parents that never notice their child is hurting, or they ignore the obvious signs, parents that try to act softly but only fuck it up.
This is Onew is a father, this is who was it that the baby hated, Tiffany? as a mother.
Or the "Aigoo, he is so cute!" The "You will make such cute babies!" The "Even if she is prettier than you mother, huge lips, fine ass..." stupid parents.
13. Abusive Parents- cliche
overdone
I am saying this is cliche because abusive parents are portrayed wrong. My parents are not Mr. and Mrs. Perfect so I always notice that the abusive parents in stories are weird. I think in some twisted way, even the worst of parents love their child, but they can't show it because most likely they are like my dad and don't know they have a mental disorder.
This is something that really can't change without help. Bipolar, autistic, borderline, depression, schizophrenia, abused as children, sadism, predation, all cause abuse. But in fics, the abuse is really name calling and disapproval of proper mates. The extreme dislike of the child's partner turning into hate for the child. The worst part of the fucked up abuse is the fact that a happy ending is ensured and the parent suddenly takes a turn for the better, or goes to jail, or the kid stands up to them.
I can't really say anything else because there is so much to say and I would go into a whole discussion of crap that is meaningless and oh god I hate reading about poorly written abusive parents!
I basically feel that most of these topics can be written about if written correctly. Some things like slaves or maids should never be written again. There are 41 more left to do, but if you think I might miss something, give me some things to add. I doubt there will be anything not on our list, but you can try.
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