Part 15- cliche and illogical 4/5

Finally, the part of the rant I wanted to do from the beginning- mostly SHINee cliches! So shawols, remember I am better than you and this is completely valid. This little DeviL doesn't care if anything I say is wrong because I am clearly right. So there.

40) Onew's obsession with chicken- CLICHE AND ILLOGICAL!

If Onew ate chicken all the time he would be fat. End of story, there. Save the chicken instead man. Stop the chicken genocide! Even if there are more chicken than there are humans, that doesn't make chicken killing right. Come on. Adopt a family of chicken and save them. Buy a pet chick, name it Hamtaro, and raise it safely as a pig.

No, he is always eating chicken. For breakfast, midmorning snack, lunch, midafternoon snack, afternoon snack, dinner, dessert, afterdinner snack, bedtime snack, midnight snack, and in his sleep.

And that bitchy Diva Key is always cooking for him, like they have the time to cook and eat at all. 

No, he never gets fat, even though chicken is usually cooked in ways that make it unhealthy and bad for the skin. None of SHINee ever get fat!

Chicken is used as a way to control Onew, like he is so obsessed that threatening to not feed him chicken will actually bend him to your will. What a fucking joke. 

This man's obsession with chicken is portrayed worse than my obsession with Jaejoong's cat. 

It is just so overdone, exaggerated, and annoying. If I review stories with Onew's obsession with chicken I would have the right mind to start them off from a fifty, right there. That is how stupid OnChicken is.

If I wrote about Onew and Chicken he would die from clogged arteries and they would do surgery on his body to remove the fat rolls before they did the wake.

41) Denial- cliche? (wtf is this Maria?)

I suppose she means the whole-

'Do I love him? Of course not! I just find his smile so intoxicating and the way he strokes my pussy so satisfying. He is always there for me, I don't love him! He is a jerk, a bastard, a fucktard! I hate him!'

Two hours later. 

"I love you, I love you! Fuck me harder! I love you!"

What a stupid circle. I've heard of the thin line between love and hate, but this is so stupid. Can't there be some smarter girls out there that realize they love their man? Idiots.

OR did Maria mean the gays never admit they are gay because coming out is really hard to do?

42) Keyva- CLICHE

Such a stuck up and selfish person, who wouldn't hate him? Fashionista? Ha, not with half your head shaved off! Always a bitch to people, how does he have friends? Just a complete Diva and he does whatever the fuck he wants and gets away with it.

Well fuck that. Key is not a complete diva.

There are different traits to Key that people forget or never remember to combine together

• Diva
• naggy
• like a mother
• likes fashion 
• dances girl groups songs well
• loves Yoogeun
• is not gay for Jonghyun no matter how many JongKey there are
• is actually a little shy and insecure

Key being a Diva is so annoying that I absolutely will not read a fic with Keyva in it. Nor will I with him being motherly, or being extremely shy. 

Not unless there is a combination of the three that give some depth to his character and doesn't make his stereotype so cliche.

So abused!

43) Nothing to do after school- illogical

I've done something along these lines at least five times already! 

Alright, get a job, do homework, watch tv, hang with friends, don't go to the arcade, study, clubbing is not allowed, malls are for people with social lives. Please get a life.

44) Jonghyun is a whore- CLICHE

Just because he has a girlfriend now everyone suddenly makes him a sex fiend and he is always so sexual. Always, he is always the person that is like "Let's get our fuck on!"

Or "God, I am so sexy!" 

Well go fuck yourself Jonghyun, I hope you get STDs in these fics and give them to your girlfriend!

45) Truth or Dare/Spin the bottle- cliche

These games are always in fics! Especially party fics when everyone gets together in order to fuck. 

"I dare you to kiss ____!" I blushed! I've never kissed anyone before! What do I do? My innocence will be stolen! But he is so handsome, I actually want to! He leaned over to me and licked his lips in anticipation. Oh my gosh, what will I do! *smooch* His kiss feels so overpowering, I might faint!

Well whoopie fucking do, I've never had my first kiss, and trust me, I would not react like that. A kiss is a kiss and holds no importance to me. Really, nothing done during truth or dare should stir up feelings like that. Your friends should stop when they know you get too uncomfortable and will understand you don't want to do something.

Nobody plays spin the bottle anymore! I have never in my life heard of a party when it was played. I mean, at lunch we spun a bottle and joked about kissing the other, but it was funny because nobody even attempted to kiss anyone. It is so ridiculous, this stereotype cliche game that nobody plays.

Party games I know of for Koreans- the 3.6.9 game where people say all the numbers except for 3,6, and 9. On those numbers they clap. The .... manjoo game? Everyone puts their hands into a circle and either open or close it when someone calls out a number. When the number of hands open matches the number called the caller takes their hand out. The person with no hands left wins. Rock paper scissors. There are a lot of games, most end with a punishment for the loser like a flick on the head.

46) 2PM being bullies- illogical?

Once again I don't really know what this is supposed to be, but Maria says that in fics 2PM are often bullies. I suppose, but if it is true, stop following the stereotype!

47) Pink- cliche

Used to describe girly men and women, feminine people all around. Pink bed, pink backpack, pink hair, pink lipstick, pink clothing, pink flowers, pink icing, pink cake, strawberries, pink flowers. SO MUCH PINK! 

Liking pink is okay, but using pink as a way to show that she/he is girly is so cliche I hate it. I don't even like pink. Simply, pink has become so overused and is has become the standard for girls. Clothes for girl babies are pink, restroom signs are pink, hearts are pink. Pink is used to represent everything that is female. 

Looking around my room there are only a few pink things

1. pink crayon
2. pink clouds over a dragon
3. pink roses in pictures 
4. pink words in my Jiji sonnet
5. pink blanket someone MADE for me when I was a baby
6. pink book about the Sexy sex (the literal title is The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex, my sister got it from her boyfriend)
7. pink scarf (my sister's)
8. pink hello kitty candy wrappers taped to my wall

I'm still clearly a girl even though there is a lack of pink in my life. So there, I've proved pink illogical, and cliche, so stop using it. Especially to describe girly men.

48) Not getting Korean Culture right- illogical

There are a lot of things I could say are wrong, but there are just so many. We'll start off with the honorifics- Oppa, hyung, Noona, and Unnie. If we are going to call someone these names let us get the gender right. Only girls can call an older man Oppa, guys call older men Hyung. Only girls can call an older woman Unnie, men have to call the Noona. I learned of this recently, but you only call them by those names if they are 100 days older than you. So Yunho shouldn't call Jaejoong hyung, ever. Unless it is an AU and their ages are different. 

People respect their elders to some extent and don't always act like jerks to their giving parents. 

Bowing isn't that hard to do, and people do it all the time as a greeting, for forgiveness, to say goodbye, a form of respect.

Yes, there is always Kimchi, rice, and some meat. 

There are just as many atheists as there are Christians or catholics. A lot of Buddhist too.

High school is not compulsory. 

There is a lot more, but don't write the American culture and try to pass it off as Korean.

49) Random SHINee in fics- cliche

No, unless it is a shinee fic, keep them out. 

They are too popular, overexposed, worse than rebecca black.

50) Shin Se Kyung vs. _____- illogical

What is the point? She has already won! She is dating Jonghyun, it goes against all logic for him to dump her for a _____! It's not like the typical girl used in DBSK fics, Seulgi, she is always in the way, and she is way overused, but it makes more sense for her to not the guy because she isn't actually dating any of the guys. No, Se Kyung is dating Jonghyun, end of story, this shouldn't be an issue. 

To throw Se Kyung in is like saying that she wouldn't date Jjong in real life. Don't go against reality like this! Even in a fantasy fanfic. if Se Kyung is already there she should win. That makes so much more sense!

I had a good macro for this, but I'm pretty sure it won't show up, so I won't bother.

Part 15- cliche and illogical 3/5

This part will be difficult to address because I have lost my drive for this thing and because these are nonsensical or are the cliches that you simply ignore because you don't give a fuck anymore how stupid or pointless it is. (My exact feelings when I got to some of Maria's cliches and I don't get what she means by them). Many are repeats or added points to previous and future cliches.

28) Having too much money- cliche

I feel like this is a repeat of richness, which doesn't make sense since Maria said both of them.  I guess this could mean that the rich person is always spending their money like it grows on Trees. Fun Fact, the American dollar is made from cotton, so it is actually does not grow on trees. I might add onto this cliche later just like I added onto the crossdressing (#10) point in the first part.

29) Random and/or Extreme Rage- Cliche and illogical

Please remember this previous rant...

A trait I see in characters all the time is unexplainable rage. Like, throwing chairs, breaking glass, bitch slapping FOR NO REASON other than jealousy or self disappointment. I understand the abusive relationshipswhere the guy gets a little overbearing or tries to rape the girl because he is horny like that, it actually happens, not like it is written, but in some sort of comparably close way to how we have imagined. I understand the mock angerlike "I am going to take a sledgehammer to your fucking face." Because I say that all the time. There is often areal rage in everyone that comes out unexpectedly, but not without real reason.

The only time someone should get overly dramatic with their rage where their anger is unprecedented is when they have a mental disorder that causes them to lose control of their emotions.

Any other time they get angry beyond belief, there NEEDS to be some sort of explanation why.

To read the rest of this entire rant go to this link.

30) Life taking illness- cliche

While the idea is very realistic in no one knows for sure what their health status is and tomorrow you can wind up having cancer, the presentation of terminal illness comes off very cliche. I can very easily run through a typical disease storyline to different scenarios.

Boy meets girl and they fall in love, but it turns out the girl has a life threatening disease and will die in... three months. He tries to make her last months the best possible and it seems like her health is getting better, but one day all her symptoms come off stronger and she pretends to be fine. Then one day he shows up at the hospital (or visits her room if he is another patient) and discovers she is dead (or was a ghost) and becomes really sad and promises to cherish her memory forever.

I personally like this idea and with the right details it would be a wonderful fic because I haven't read that many fics where the person has an illness. I did see a movie once where the guy was sick and he loved a girl, but he knew he was dying and tried to help her and the guy fall in love, but she loved him. He told her that he was going to die and he wouldn't love her back so that his friend would get a chance with her. When he died the two were both extremely sad after they had gotten together. Then it skips to 10 years in the future and the guy is telling their children how they fell in love. It was so sweet, sad, and romantic.

But there are many flaws that even I, someone who really sucks at anything to do with the human body, can recognize. The idea of suddenly having an illness is not wrong. When I was 6 I lived a normal first grade life when one morning as I was getting ready for school I suddenly had a shooting pain in my stomach. I passed it off and went to school. This continued throughout the day and I ended up lying in the nurses office in agony after throwing up a few times (four). It turns out I had a tumor in my... Everything just suddenly happened one day so the immediateness of diseases are not an overblown joke.

However the time frame of actually having the disease varies depending on the person's age and body type as well as the type of illness. Because I was young, because of the location of the tumor, because of my normal health, the tumor affected me quickly and I was constantly in pain. If it was an older child or an adult the problem might not have arose or been as severe.

Really what I mean is, unless you have done proper research the medical details will sound very off to the readers. I wish people wouldn't write these stories without actually learning about the disease.

Even then, what makes illness stories so tragic is that we don't have to focus on the illness, it is just another detail added to the plot.

31) Cars- illogical

There are many issues I have with cars. One of them being that high school students can not drive to school. In Korea the driving age is (correct me if I am wrong) 19. I assume this is the 19 in Korean years making it 18 in the worldwide years.

Speeding is illegal anywhere, so the moments when it is an emergency or he is mad or going along those lines and he sends his car over 100 Km then something is wrong. Every time I read one of these high speed get aways I wait for a cop to pull them over or for them to crash and die.

Having a car means you have money to buy/ rent one and pay for gas. While it is common in America for college students to have a car or even high school students, in Korea I believe it is more common to only have one car if any at all per household. Now if they are rich then cars are perfectly normal to have.

Cars aren't really great places to have comfortable sex.

Cars need to be parked somewhere, keep that in mind.

There are cars in music videos a lot. I always find that the best parts of any SHINee MV are the cars. But a lot of other groups use cars too.

32) running someone over/ hitting someone- ... illogical

Maria will get this more than others.

Yes losing control of a car is very easy do, let's not try and hit anyone Taemin.

33) rehab- ... unused cliche

I have never read a rehab fic. Never. Why is that? I do believe that drug abuse, alcoholism, eating disorders, metnal disorders, abusiveness, (not a word). I believe this lack of rehab is a cliche...

I didn't say it, Maria did.

34) Rain (weather)- cliche

This seems like a movie thing more than a fic thing, but rain is often if not always used to represent something sad and tragic. It does seem like our moods are dampened along with the gray skies, gloom does that to us, but that doesn't make tragic events happen. The feelings yes, the events no.

If you want to put rain into a sad moment, add rain to other days like a pleasant one. Make something good happen on a good day, please.

35) Angst- cliche (god damn Maria, these are a little confusing!!)

Angst is a wonderful way to give deeper emotions to a fic, but often times in a normally stupid comedic fic one action will lead the protagonist to be depressed and suicidal and cry for hours, eat ice cream out of the bucket, watch sappy movies, curse the ex love, then get super pissed when they try to make it up. Stupid Not really well written.

Angst should be written in two ways. 1- Deep and emotional with heavy details and description. or 2- poetic and with less description but focusing on important themes and details.

I want to write a really crappy example, but I'm not in the mood.

36) Jessica/ Tiffany/ SNSD- cliche

These girls have recieved enough hate. While it is super fun to tease them and plainly be haterz, the Jessica whore, the tiffany whore, the SNSD group whore is overused. It is probably the biggest cliche of all.

The girls are usually plastic and have gotten surgery.

They are usually rich and hate the protagonist.

They'll usually do anything in order to get their love's heart, even inhumane things.

They're usually the one that pulls the girl to the school roof or into the bathroom ofr a fight.

They're usually the one that surrounds the guy and flirts openly with him to piss off or emotionally harm the girl.

They are usually extremely beautiful (and brag about it) with high fashion standards.

Skank, hoe, whore, slut, bitch, diva, should die, get a life, learn your lesson, want to smack her.

I feel like all this hate comes from the real girls from being so pretty already, you just want to hate them.

You ugly? Jealous? Well eat my heart out, like I give a fuck. Stop being haters because Jessica was able to change from the troll she was to the new and improved beauty she is now. Feel happy for her instead, she was able to be beautiful while you will forever be ugly. Ha ha ha -ha ha. You ugly fat ass.

And even if that isn't the case, using Jessica or Tiffany or another SNSD girl just because almost everyone knows of them and they are easy to relate to whatever idol the fic is about, they are so overdone that they should simply never be used anymore.

37) suicide/character death- cliche

Someone once told me that ending with character death shows poor planning and plot development. (I felt pretty bad after this because I had just killed off all my characters...) They are completely right. Those accidents the protagonist gets into where they are on the brink of death are simply stupid. If the the lesson learned during recovery from the accident can be learned from maybe breaking a bone or having a fever then it is better than almost killing the person and getting into an accident. This is a matter of writing well,  but the actions leading into near death moments are often not enough for funeral planning.

Killing of a minor character like a dad is okay.

Killing of the love interest is not good, unless leading actions are worthy of it.

But once again, if character death is written well then it is doesn't come off as the same old cliche.

Seriously though, characters dying every other chapter is messed up.

38) (M)pregnancy- cliche and illogical

Fics based on pregnancy or where pregnancy happens are cliche themselves, but the idea of getting married to have a baby or that a week after having sex they are automatically pregnant is overdone and actually doesn't make sense.

You realize the pregnancy symptoms don't appear until weeks later, right? And some women don't have morning sickness, right? Also, morning sickness lasts throughout the whole day often.

Okay, I'm not a baby expert but some of the things you read in pregnancy stories are downright ridiculous. Like those terrible moodswings. I suppose to some extent pregnant have bad tempers or feel really sad, but come on, we've all read those fics where we think she is a little insane.

I hear this from my teacher all the time, when you get pregnant you should try to exercise because it will be better for your figure after the baby is born because your hips separate and your feet swell and your arms become fat. Let's not forget the stretch marks. And these perfectly skinny girls, most of them are athletic, sit on their asses all day picking out furniture for their babies and stuffing their mouths like they think it is good for their babies to be fat.

Let's go through a scenario (hehehe, from THE BIG BOTTLE OF CLICHE)- Go to club, get raped, go "home", week later feel nauseous and faint. Doctor says she is preggers. Baby bump in  a month, then her best friend becomes pregnant as well, then they have the baby on the same day. Story over. Happily ever after. There was a marriage in there to her rapist somewhere and being shot and miraculously walking that very same day in there somewhere, but those are minor details.

This is the best one- they meet and fall in love and date and go against their parents and have support from friends then get married after all the drama. Epilogue- I'm pregnant???? Even better, a sequel!

I love pregnancy stories because I love (the) children and babies often make couples closer and cuter. But often the idea of them being pregnant is too much and spoils the story.

Oh, and Maria doesn't understand Mpreg. "Where are the babies born from, their ass?" I do believe so.

39) Taecyeon- ?

I had no idea what Maria meant by this, but evidently in a lot of fics she read Taec is always a bully. I wouldn't really know, but I suppose this is a character cliche that he will have to live with.

"He is ALWAYS THE BULLY! Him and the rest of 2pm!"

So once again these were those cliches that you don't think much of.

I stopped right before the best ones. Here is what to look forward to!

#40- Onew's obsession with chicken.

#42- Keyva/ Kiva (Key/Kibum + Diva = Keyva/Kiva)

#44- Jonghyun is a whore

# 49- random SHINee in fics

# 50- SHINee Se Kyung Vs Jong____ (blank for nameless girl)