Part 16- First Person point of view

The featured fics suck. There are many reasons why (cliche, unplanned, characters are fucked up, events are unrealistic, pov is shit, grammar is cringe worthy...) but I can't think of any right now. Other than the fact that the two featured fics right now are both pretty much the same story (because they are featured and about Jonghyun) they are  both written in first person.

Most fics can not properly write first person correctly. They mess up in these areas-

1. Sentence variation
2. Setting/character description
3. Constant POV
4. Narrator and Author are different entities
5. Thoughts and description are different

Point one is that a lot of sentences in first person point of view start off with I, or my, or we. "I did this, we saw a movie, my hair was like this." Up to this point, the entire rant has been written in first person, but I have not started a sentence with I, my, me, mine at all. Kudos to your for 4minute jokes. Start sentences with different words about different things, not just what the narrator sees and feels.

Authors get so focused on making it a point that this is written from the character's perspective that they start needlessly starting sentences off with I. For example, "I saw him grab a candy bar." Really, this sentence would be more appropriate as "He took a candy bar." If it is important that the narrator sees this and the readers need to acknowledge that fact, add in a filler sentence before or after. "When I saw this I felt hungry."

The second issue is that a lot of times the author thinks that they can't write about something that the narrator doesn't know about. It is perfectly okay to do this! Parts that the narrator are unaware of can be written as long as it is done in a creative and well organized manner. Basically, if the scene changes from where the narrator is, then it can be assumed that the POV temporarily switches to third person. In these cases a different writing style is expected, or lack of emotion and personal feelings.

Also, just because these are the narrators thoughts and feelings, it doesn't mean that the other characters are dolls and don't have any. It is just as important to include what the other characters are doing and thinking, even if the narrator is not aware of what is happening. If other characters are not mentioned, the fic becomes confusing and then more first person shit has to be added. Things just become a first person soupy mess.

Now the third problem is really important. The consistency of the POV. If something can not be written in all one POV then the fic should be written in third person or there should be hypothetical thought processes leading to the other character(s). "Perhaps he is waiting for me by our tree. She'll show up and distract him, make him lose sight of his real prize..." 

THERE IS NOTHING MORE ANNOYING THAN CHANGING POV. 

Don't care what Victoria is doing if the fic started off with Nickhkun, don't care for Jessica if it started with Jaejoong, don't care for Oppa if it started with Dongsaeng. Don't care for G-Dragon if the fic started off with Dara, don't care for ... Jonghyun when _____ is speaking... fuck, I never want to hear _____ speak again.

The fourth hair wrencher is the separation of the narrator and the author. To have a reliable narrator their thoughts and actions need to reflect their character, not the thoughts of the author. Thoughts need to be mature, not "OH MY GOD, HE JUST LOOKED AT ME!" Not, "Does he really think he can get away with insulting me ___ ______?" Try, even if you are fifteen, or twelve, or nineteen, make the character act and sound their age.

First person POV is written with more feelings and personal connections, third person, or essentially the author's writing (never to be marked AUTHOR'S POV because the author is not there and they are not thinking this nor seeing this) should be more descriptive of surroundings and facts, other characters, even things that don't matter like the weather or analogies.

Both POV can be used to convey emotions, third person lacks in the thoughts, first person goes too far into the thoughts. At some point the author somehow puts their own personality into the characters and makes them their perfect avatar. The author and narrator are never the same person, never. The only time they would be is during an autobiography of some sort. 

Last, there is the minor issue of authors mixing up what is thought by the narrator and what is simply there. Like I said before, there needs to be something other than what the narrator is doing right that second. Their history, memories, things going on in another room, constructive brainstorming, all these are not thoughts. Thoughts would be put into the situation they are in right there while these descriptions do not take place in real time. 

Thoughts would be those extra "Oh god"s or "I don't believe it". 

The two are often intermixed so that the description and thoughts are one the same. This happens usually right after a POV change.  Events are written is such a way that the character seems childish. "Oh gosh, he just looked at me, staring right at my body! I stumbled a little, I am such a fool! Is my blush showing? He saw my blush! My heart is splitting."

The thought-like areas were "Oh gosh, he just looked at me, staring right at my body! I stumbled a little, I am such a fool! Is my blush showing? He saw my blush! My heart is splitting." They shouldn't mix up this much without proper indication like italics, apostrophes or so on. 

This sounds really similar to my POV rant from months ago- 1st person means things feelings should be described more in depth because a character as the narrator verses the author should have more of a hold on their own feelings. Struggles, happiness, sadness, even anger should be shown in 1st POV. I'm not saying to put "I am sad because she won't look at me" in every paragraph, but put something that makes it seem like it is actually from their POV and not just you putting "I" instead of their name. 

1st person means that the character is more developed and has deeper thoughts. 1st person shouldn't sound like a diary entry. Most fics the people are in high school right? How did you act in high school? Or how do you act now and add a little maturity to that if you aren't quite there yet. The narrator is supposed to portray someone realistic. By using your own personal experiences and feelings, without making it actually about you, the emotions of the narrator can be natural.

Once again, I don't care about this shithead girl, I only care for my bias. If the ENTIRE fic was written from his POV then I would read it. Another major issue with POV is that it is limited to that character. All female characters can burn in hell for getting married at fifteen in my opinion. Now they guy... he can keep on being sexy. He can be a total jackass douche with his thoughts and I'd still love him to some extent. Sometimes. On occasion. Okay, only if it is Jaejoong. Any other person and the fic gets dropped. La Ha!

Part 15- cliche and illogical 5/5

Just want to get this over with. Finally, the last part! No fucking more! 

51) Love at first sight- cliché

The whole, new student does an introduction, falls in love. The guy is sleeping on his desk and the teacher makes him raise his hand because she is going to be his desk partner. How fucking dumb. Love at first sight, written under these circumstances or an equivalent cliché setting are frankly overdone, boring, and unoriginal.

Lusting after someone at first sight, or finding them attractive is different. LOVE at first sight is that little Cinderella tale of Prince charming finding the sweet and innocent girl perfect from a large distance, needing to love her and marry her as soon as possible.

In a story, to write about love at first sight comes off as immature and fictional (don’t care if it is fiction, try and make it real for the readers). Really, the author should do nothing more than make it an attraction and make it clear that it is just an attraction until further development of FEELINGS is possible.

Love sort of revolves around emotions in real life…

52) Cold hearted girl, “the ice princess”- cliché and illogical

The OC character is overused, dumb, uncreative, and unrealistic. While people in reality are like this, not to the extent written about. The always cool, calm, collected chick that people fawn over, does not really exist. She’ll have friends that she can relax with, what person is so bent up and haughty? I can’t rant about this well because I always drop fics immediately if they have a character like this. So I’ll make my own girl.

I’m a new student at this school and I am totally looking forward to making some new friends. Sure, I left many behind, but I still had the numbers of all the important friends and fucks. Yup, I am able to get anybody in my bed, even my former best friend’s girlfriend. I’m such a douche. Nobody really blames me though, the girl was a slut and she was not good enough for him. She wasn’t good enough for me either, maybe a 4 on a scale of 100. Good at a bj though. She liked to chase dragons, we didn’t stop her.

The teacher led me into the classroom and told me to wait outside while she did a short introduction. “Class, we will be having a new student today. I expect everyone to treat him well,” a few girls squealed and I heard some deep groans, “like you have all been going to the same school since first grade. I’m sure it will be hard for him to get into any clique because you are all such close students, except the ice princess. Please welcome him warmly.” Then the teacher opened the door and ushered me in.

The first thing I saw was this amazingly hot, gorgeous, beautiful, fantastic, hot, unbelievable, cute, hot babe. She was really hot. Her hair was as black as night and her eyes as dark as hell, but damn, I wanted her right there. Little bells went off in my head ‘ring ding dong, ring ding dong’ THIS IS THE CHICK FOR ME!

“Ice princess, raise your hand!” The hot babe slowly stared at the rather old looking teacher (in comparison to this babe) and gave a death glare. I could have died right there. Her stare was so intense; I felt chills go up my spine. Or else I was getting a boner. Probably the former. I ignored the teacher and took my seat by her, not caring if I froze to death and they had to thaw me out in 3023 to help discover the cure for cancer (they still won’t have found the cure by then).

“Hey, you blew my scale up and made a whole new standard.” She gave me her icy glare again.

“Go fuck yourself,” then she turned away and stared out the window like an emo child.

Later, during break, she left the room and I decided to be a friendly desk partner and search through her stuff. All her stuff seemed neat and tidy, but lacking in anything to do with the 21^st century (cure for cancer in the 31^st man!) She must be a social recluse, never interacting with modern days, that is why she is so shy and keeps to herself. OH MY GOD, she must be frightened of everyone, afraid of their opinions and actions, terrified of hate and bullying, heartbroken by the human race and all their stupidity!

I am going to save this girl!

“Woah man, did you touch the Ice Princess’s stuff? She is going to slaughter you!” Then all of a sudden a frying pan came out of nowhere and smacked me on the head.

She is just frightened of everyone, afraid of their opinions and actions, terrified of hate and bullying, heartbroken by the human race and all their stupidity!

That’s all I have.

53) 24/7 overly friendly characters- illogical

Ned Flanders. Always understanding, forgiving, party-hearty, super happy, the first friend, you want to smack them and give them calming pills.

No, shut up, the protagonist has just lost their baby and you are telling them to keep their head up. Insensitive, someone needs to smack that person.

When they meet for the first time they try and get everyone to be friends. Fuck that, I’m an Ice Princess, I don’t need anyone else!

They stop the fights. BUT I need my self destructive violence to heal my broken aching heart! How else will I vent out my misery.

54) Character stereotypes- cliché

1. Taemin = Jailbait!

mawneekuh really summarizes this stereotype up nicely- I really think you should add Taemin on the list. Honestly, the worst any shinee fic could get is adding the Taemin cliche out of fucking nowhere. I think he's eighteen right? I dunno about Korea but eighteen is when you're legal.. And when you get your driver's license... And when you typically graduate high school... And when some people have already experimented with alcohol or drugs.... Eighteen is NOT when you carry plushies, call everyone noona, watch hamtaro, play pokemon diamond on your DS, think that vaginas don't exist, and last but not least, devour ice cream and crave for it as much as you crave oxygen. I mean, it gets kind of funny on comedies but in angst fics, it goes to the extent that it's unhealthy for a teenage boy to think that way and he really should be in a mental institution because he is on the verge of being diagnosed with down syndrome or just plain retardation........ but at the same time, he can dance.

-____- sometimes, I think he should be banned from this website

Yeah, that is pretty much exactly what everybody hates about the character. He has down syndrome. Those darn disabled children, nobody wants to fuck that!

Taemin turns 18 on July 18^th. On that day he will be able to get a driver’s license. I looked it up, the legal drinking age is 19 in South Korea. I don’t know if that is the 19 in Korean years or 19 in worldwide years. I believe it is 19 in Korean years, because all Koreans will technically call Taemin 18 already, turning 19 soon. I assume he’ll be of drinking age as well. I’ve already said this millions of times, I have slutty whore friends that love to drink and get high. They’ve been doing that shit since they were 12ish. Jailbait Taemin is not real.

This stereotype applies to all the underage idols. We see that Taemin suffers from this syndrome the worst, but other idols are starting to show symptoms as well.

2.Jaejoong is a whore who never gets any STDs

I don’t know what you guys are talking about, I love my whore Jae, which is the only reason I read Jaejoong fics… I’m just kidding. I simply love Jaejoong so much I could read a fic about him with any stereotype. I’m sure it is annoying to hear about his many great fucks and how much he is loved by all the women in school, each one with their own sexual adventure with a man they don’t know is clean.

I’m not going to lie, the third (because it third times a charm) Jaejoong OC story I read was actually my entire reason for starting to write fanfics. Does anyone remember my countless rants about THE BIG BOTTLE OF CLICHÉ? It was a Jaejoong X you story and I hated it so much because it was the most cliché thing ever AND JAEJOONG WAS A MAJOR WHORE.

Okay, so when I watch DBSK/JYJ/Jaejoong videos or look at pictures, I will often say “You whore” just because he is… many insulting words. But to the extent that he is banging anything that moves… Come on.

The following were given to me by DoctorLovegwhiwhwr

1. Yuri = Mary Sue
2. Jaejoong, Yunho, Changmin (sometimes), Yoochun = sex addict, emo, rich, hates the world, rich
3. Jessica/every other SNSD members = whores (some writers must be biggers whores than them)
4. 2PM = villains (mostly Taec)\
5. 2PM's Junsu, Daesung, TVXQ's Junsu, SS501 (except Hyunjoong) = nothing but an extra
6. Nichkhun = prince
7. Sohee/Sulli/Taeyeon = rivals to Dara in DaraGon fics
8. Taeyang = best friend that gives up the girl he likes for the sake of GD... WTF
9. Seungri = nothing just a pure extra
10. Jokwon, Key, Kwanghee, Heechul and Sungjong = GAYS
11. Gyuri = evil, arrogant bitch (she mostly gets the villain role in Kara fanfics)
12. Kyuhyun = gamer
13. Onew = Nerd
14. Krystal = whore
15. Donghae = Kingka, Sex addict
16. G-Dragon = Player, Mean, easily gets mood swing (but sweet on the inside, MOTHERFUCKER)

Then mine again

1. Xiah Junsu = duckbutt/dolphin/idiot/soccersu/idiot
2. Minho is the quiet moody guy

(I hate the way that AFF kills my list of numbers. Total of 20 stereotypes I put here.)

There obviously more stereotypes, I just want you guys to know that having the same characterization for an idol as the thousands of other fics out there makes your story cliché.

55) Hyung-whoring- illogical?

How old is this list? I haven’t come across a picture of Minho being a hyungwhore in forever. I don’t even really know what this cliché is about, but we’ll assume it means that some (male) idols have really close relationships with other random older male idols. Minho for example.

56) Party Games- cliché

A party should be loud music, booze, sex, drugs, and people stripping to jump into the pool. Not really playing monopoly and daring each other to kiss someone. I already listed a bunch of party games you would see in Korea for #45 truth or dare and spin the bottle. This is just a repeat.

57) Fake girl/boyfriend- cliché

This entire idea is cliché, you should know why it is cliché, and you shouldn’t try to write it. It just happens to be that the rated featured story from last week or something was called Fake Boyfriend, what are the odds of that?

Sometimes if the featured story sounds ridiculous enough I will read the first chapter, but I’m not even going to try with this one. It isn’t the first fake dating story to be featured either. There was one not too long ago about Junhyung right? I didn’t read more than the first chapter because it is cliché, but that one was written well enough.

OH MY GOD, AYYY GIRL IS PLAYING! I LOVE THIS SONG! KANYE MAKES THIS SONG WORTH WHILE! “WHAT’S YOUR FRIEND’S ATTITUDE? WHY SHE SO DAMN RUDE? HAA? I WANT THE BEST FOR YOU BUT WANT BETTER FOR ME!” Best damn retarded rap by a black guy ever.

58) Hospitals- cliché and illogical

I laugh when I read about the messed up things happening in hospitals, like completely bogus diagnoses or just bad medical practice. To be a doctor you need to be in college for like 6 years right? I’m just ballparking that number. Then you have internship and other stuff where you have years of experience working with patients and saving lives. That should be obvious to everyone, so why are so many doctors dumb? Like really dumb?

Nurses, what is up with them? I don’t know, they are just messed up.

I don’t want to think about why, but Hospitals are really cliché places. I think it is because we forget that we should get annual checkups, and that we must get checked before going off to college. Most of the time hospitals are associated with accidents are sudden illnesses, and both I have already said are cliché themselves.

Look, hospitals are a place for professionals that are saving lives. The entire atmosphere is stressful but caring. Fuck, I went to the hospital yesterday. I was standing around waiting for my mom to come back, and three different workers/nurses asked me if I needed a wheelchair. “No, I’m fine, thanks. Just waiting for my mom.” Shy, please-leave-me-alone smile. One male nurse went as far as following me to my mom’s car and trying to help me in. His smile was creepy.

I guess occasionally there will be those doctors or two that try to screw over the patient for money. Yesterday I saw the doctor for maybe three minutes before he said, “It’s the same as last time, but schedule and MRI and we’ll see if anything else is wrong. After that, come back with the results and we’ll go over those.” Well thank you Captain obvious, I didn’t know I was injured the same way, I was just coming back to SEE WHY THE FUCK I GOT INJURED THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

Anyway, Maria said Hospitals were cliché.

59) Random Korean words- fuckery

Oppa- said by a female who is 100 days younger than a male, to said male

Hyung- said by a younger than 100 days male to another

Unnie- said by a younger than 100 days female to another female

Noona/Nuna- said by a male who is 100 days younger than a female, to said female

Dongsaeng- said to someone younger than them by 100 days

Mashisoyo- yummy

Pabo- literally means fool

Annyeong- hello (informal)

Bwoh (common spelling?)- what

Yah- sound of yelling

Omo- sort of like “Oh my god”

Aigo/aigoo- like “oh my” or “wow”, meaning can be interpreted many ways for many meanings

Wae – keep your head down why

K(g)wenchana- are you okay?

Ssi – Mister/Missus

Ah- less formal way of speaking to someone close

Ie- an informal way to address someone

Gun- equivalent with the Japanese chan/kun, addressing someone younger

Aegyo- act of being cute

Kyopta (sp?)- cute

Saranghae- love

Jinbu hago binonlijeog, geuleom nam-yong i nal michige- Cliche and Illogical, so overused it drives me crazy

Leviticus points this out all the time, the constant “Oppa, pabo, saranghae!” is annoying, confusing to those that don’t speak it. This is what I mean by confusing- one of my friends, Megan (ww12megash), is absolutely terrible at remembering names and words. She can’t even remember that Yoochun and Micky are the same person.

Forget pronouncing the words, and she can barely remember what they mean. I know for sure she knows Kajima means don’t go (huh, word did not say Kajima was misspelled. It did say kajima with a lowercase k was though… have I used it before?) and that saranghae means I love you, oppa and hyung… wae meaning why. That’s it. I can imagine her sending me text after text, “Hey hubby, what does ‘bwoh’ mean?” “Hey hubby, what does gwenchanayo mean?” “Babe, what does tteo deo pe mean?” “oh, ty love!”

Not only is it confusing for those that don’t speak Korean, it is confusing to those that do. I have seen so many different spellings for teacher that I don’t attempt it at all, even though I have my English-Korean dictionary… upstairs out of my reach because I’m on bed rest downstairs!

Also, all this Korean is annoying as fuck. OPPA, PABO, SARANGHAE! Every sentence, paragraph, chapter, word, paragraph, sentence. So overdone, annoying, stupid, pabo, stupid.

You’d think that this would be higher up on the list considering how many times Leviticus ranted about it in her story Saranghae :) but neither of us thought of it until almost going to sleep. You’re welcome.

60) Parents leaving for no reason- illogical

“Watch your brother and don’t get into trouble, we’ll be back in a month.” You irresponsible parents, I will call social services on you! There are two minors in this house and you are leaving them alone!

It happens all the time, the parents run off to some convention in America and the son or daughter are home alone, because they are rich and give the nannies and butlers the day off, and then they have sex. There we go, sex. Parents lead to sex.

61) Perfect girls- cliché and illogical (idea by cutiepiehunter)

Sweet and Kind like Mother Teresa
Sexy like Heidi Klum.
Smart like Madam Marie Curie.
Sly and Devious like Queen Mary I of England, aka “Bloody Mary”

The four sinful S’s.

62) Big Dick- cliché and illogical (I think the idea was from DoctorLove)

And after penetration, “Oh god, so big!”

I’m sorry, I was just scarred for life. Was reading a fic and the author was like “Inspired by these gifs” There are some things even I don’t want to see. So many dicks, so big, so fast, so iowhkiahihIDGHJHYEUORGHuoghwu;oh U:RI EUOSW /shudders

It is just a coincidence that I saw those gifs while writing this, but oh god, I never want to see another BIG DICK sentence ever again!!!!

63) Geeks to Hot Guy- cliché and illogical

This seems to be the plot for a lot of the featured stories, no? It’s like, omg, behind those glasses we didn’t notice you had a decent face, and we were such douches for so long that we didn’t know you were a nice guy, and we lived under rocks to not know you were rich/famous, and good at sex.

I’m going to use my neighbor as an example to this. He most likely has Asperger Syndrome, a type of autism, and his twin brother is mentally retarded, and he is uglier than fuck, but if we ignore those qualities and turn him into a hottie.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

He’s ugly, what are we trying to pull? No amount of medication will change his god awful personality, maybe stop him from yelling out in class and screaming profanities when he wants attention (all the time), but he’ll still have the mentality of a ten year old and love everything Pokemon related. No amount of plastic surgery can erase his ugly, and he will be scarred for all the bullying he has gone through for being such a dick head. Yes, I bullied him a little, sorry for not treating all the disabled people in the world like saints because they can’t help it, never claimed to be a good person before so whatever. This isn’t cyber-bullying when I don’t say his name. He is from Transylvania and adopted though… I could write a book about him…

Anyway, if the guy was hot and had a good personality he’d get chicks even if he was a major smarty pants. I’ve already gone over that geek cliché already though. (#5) Nerds are actually kids with autism.

If it is a girl, as long as she has fairly big tits and isn’t a MAJOR BITCH, it doesn’t matter if she is a nerd, she is hot.

64) (Not) Heads over Heels in love- cliché

AHAHAHAHA, cliché. It happens in a lot of dramas and fics. There is that one girl that doesn’t act like an obsessed fangirl and she just happens to be the one to meet him, but because she doesn’t fangirl he takes notice of her and falls in love. He tries to woo her heart, but she is a tough cookie and doesn’t fall easily. Finally, after several tragedies and ups and downs, she falls for him too. The end... sometimes.

This plot happens so often I stop reading immediately! She doesn’t like the group that much but auditions to join their guy group. Despite being a girl (she is quite the tomboy) they let her join the group. FALLS IN LOVE.

Cliché, you idiots, don’t do it.

65) Stalking- cliché

IT JUST IS. Don’t wanna think, this is cliché because I say it is. I mean those creepy stalking that friends or band members do to each other. Where they playfully dress up in obvious attire and don sunglasses, masks, wigs, and hats. Dumbasses, come here, I’ll stalk you, slap you in the face, and not much more because I can’t use my legs, but if I could, I would break something with a kick. Step on your fingers… teach you to write that shit…